Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
