proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize