Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
