I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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