evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
