it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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