My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
