I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
