i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
