so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
