i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
