he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
