listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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