I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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