I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
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What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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