yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
