i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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