Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He better not be in your backpack
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
