and you said cock pushups were impossible
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
