I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
