So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
