so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
