She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
