Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
