i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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