Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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