The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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