he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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