yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
