she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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