Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
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So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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