at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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