The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
