Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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