Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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