It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He passed out mid-signature
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just had sex on a roof
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
