O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
