just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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