and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
