Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
