Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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