its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and she was petting her beer can
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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