Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
