it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
