why didn't you poke me back
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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