I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
