i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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