Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
