Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
