I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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