They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
