Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
