I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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