It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
