She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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