90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
