so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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