i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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