And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
