I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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