soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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