and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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