and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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