My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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