You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
