Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
