Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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