he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
